Hmm I wonder why?
spoiler
As a new parent… No one tells you (especially if you’re a woman) just how bad pregnancy really is. My wife had a relatively mild pregnancy,: just baby butt in lungs making it hard to breathe, hard kicks in the side that can wake you up, too hot or too cold at the same temperature, absolutely nothing fits right, lots of swelling, nothing fits anymore and everything maternity related is super expensive and you will only wear it for a few months max, boobs hurt, back hurts, headaches, mood swings, nausea, baby kicking her asshole from the inside making it feel like her asshole would fall out, baby hiccups that will wake you up, can’t get comfortable laying down because you can’t back or stomach sleep and both sides have the bump needing support, can’t stay comfortable standing because your back and feet hurt from the weight, can’t get comfortable sitting because leaning back hurts your back and sitting up hurts your stomach/lungs, and every single tendon and ligament gets loose so random things will hurt or not work right.
We also didn’t get the fun sex-filled second trimester because her antidepressants killed her sex drive, so there were literally no up sides. Had our child 4 days ago, wife is much more comfortable except her boobs hurt all the time and our sleep (and the rest of our time) comes in 30 minute to 3 hour intervals with 5-30 minutes for feeding and diaper changes to separate them. It’s rough.
We love our new kid and don’t regret having her… but once she is old enough that my wife can handle her for a few days to a week I’ll be getting a vasectomy.
I remember clearly the first words out of my wife’s mouth as soon as she caught her breath after giving birth: “I’m never doing that again.”
And she hasn’t. That was ten years ago, and our kid is amazing, but I got that snip so she doesn’t have to do it again.
Yep. Got snipped in my mid 20s. Been a peaceful 25 years. Do not regret it at all.
Shit, I’ve been really considering it myself and I was made to think it was weird or somehow inappropriate to get it done in my 30s. I don’t want kids. Period.
Who made you think it’s weird? I did it at 38 and all I got from doctors was “how many kids do you have? None? I have 2 and your making the right choice”. Seriously. Also, why would you care what anyone thinks? Also, no one will know. You don’t have to tell anyone.
I got mine done when I was 32. Didn’t get asked anything but “are you sure you don’t want kids”.
Protip: make sure the doctor doesn’t start if you’re not numb. It’s really not fun without anesthesia.
I got mine done late 20’s. They asked how many kids I had, I said zero, they said although sometimes it can be reversed, it should be treated as permanent. I said if I decided i wanted kids later there were plenty of premade kids looking for a home, and off to snippy town we went.
Got snipped 2 years ago. 10/10, would blow carefree loads again.
The only surprising thing here is that people are surprised by this. Of course there are no regrets. The only reason people regret this is because popular culture keeps telling us that women is not a real women without kids. Get pass that BS and you’ll be fine without kids. You will also have more time, money and less stress.
Ehhh. Idk about the culture comment. There’s a lot to be said for bio clocks. I think women used to look around and see an environment where raising kids was easy cuz you had family support and could find cheap food and housing.
Having kids now even as a 2 parent household is simply not viable or sustainable. For single moms? Impossible now.Women should never regret not having kids. You can always adopt.
You don’t think the popular culture is telling woman that having kids is the most amazing thing and if they don’t have them there’s something wrong with them? That a very common trope. Couples separating because one doesn’t want children, women obsessing about having children, getting depressed when they can’t. Silo and Good doctor are examples I’ve seen very recently. And what about ‘child-free’ couples in TV shows? Can you think about any? 20% of adults don’t want kids yes in TV that’s still pretty much non-existent.
This was an interesting inclusion:
Finally, the study also explored interpersonal warmth – how people feel about childfree individuals compared to parents. It was found that parents generally felt warmer towards other parents than towards childfree adults. This finding is indicative of an in-group favoritism that exists among parents.
Maybe it was the placement in the article after the whole “if anything, older parents were slightly more likely to have regrets” part, but it just really felt like the reasoning was the image of child free people in parents’ minds is exactly like this thumbnail lol. The child free lifestyle is just a happy, gracefully-aging person laughing in the sun while parents are like moms in a mop or paper towel commercial before the good mop or paper towel.
This feeling may also be colored by every single friend of mine that is a parent, when asked if I wanted kids and saying no—or even just offered up unprompted—I think they’ve all said to me, “DONT FUCKIN DO IT.”
Probably fewer people who regret not having kids than there are people regretting having them
Maybe, but people are really good at rationalizing their decisions, so I don’t know how much that even tells us.
Any regrets I have evaporate every time I visit friends who have a kid. Something else is broken or ruined, the kid is constantly vying for attention in increasingly loud and destructive ways, and there’s always at least one shouting match before the night’s out.
That’s not even to say that I don’t like kids. I just like money, quiet, and a clean house more. Nor do I want to disparage my friends’ parenting skills, god knows it can’t be easy with both parents working FT+. But their non-working lives revolve around their kids now, and I don’t want that for myself. And on top of all that, I can’t imagine making someone else go through this shit as everything seems to be deep in the process of going straight to hell.
The researchers found that 20.94% of the adult population in Michigan identify as childfree, meaning they do not have and do not want biological, step, or adopted children.
I skimmed the study and it looks like they did not differentiate between types of children (i.e. biological or not). One example question from the study: “Do you plan to have any biological or adopted children in the future?”
While not the point of the study, I wonder if there is a significant population that is interested only in adopted (or maybe step-)children. Especially given the recently reported rise in couples forgoing procreation for climate and/or “why would I bring a child into this shitty world” reasons, it would be interesting to learn if this population would be interested in raising non-biological children instead (the idea being they are not increasing the number of children in the world, but rather helping to care for the ones already here). Similarly not included in this study: people only interested in fostering children but not adopting (this can get murky however as sometimes fostering does lead to adoption, but usually not).
I’m child free by choice and would raise an adopted child like my own, but there are so many barriers to adoption.
57 year old man, never intended to not have kids, just never found someone that I wanted to have kids with. I guess it kind of worked out, I retired two years ago, and money isn’t really an issue, if I had kids I’d probably still be working.
10/10 recommended.
I don’t think potential regrets are a good reason to do things like have kids. Have them if you enthusiastically want them, assuming you have the means and an awareness of the workload.
Some things should be a “hell yes or a no,” so to speak.
So what, let people enjoy what they like.
It’s not like the planet is running out of people.
They aren’t worried about people, they’re worried about less workers… the bourgeoisie’s only concerned they may have fewer workers they can feed to their machines and, and thus “losing money,” which is unacceptable.
I’ve only been married for 28 years…we’re not ready for kids! #idiocracy
