Hi, I’m flying home for my birthday (moved out of state for work, then lost my job, and been unemployed for 4 months). My mom asked what I would like her to make me for my birthday dinner, and I have no clue what to ask for. I’m just at a loss because I don’t know what I like. I’m not picky, but if left to my own devices would eat mueslix for months at a time. I hate feeling attention, and worst of all pity… But that is the primary feeling when I return to my mothers home. I feel lost and trapped, as more if my life falls through my fingers like a hand desperately grasping into dry sand. Everything feels wrong and I hate that I agreed to come home at all.

  • pageflight@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    2 months ago

    At some point I realized people often ask a question but don’t really care about you answering that specifically. “How are you” -> actually I can just tell a story about a hobby related problem I’m working on, and not try to represent my emotional state.

    I’m not sure if this is one of those cases, but I could see “what do you want for birthday dinner” as actually meaning “I want to do something nice for you” and if you’d rather pick the night’s board game it might satisfy the exchange and make everyone just as happy. Though some people might really want to express care via cooking / feel it’s important you engage on that topic.

  • Coelacanth@feddit.nuEnglish
    1·
    2 months ago

    I know exactly how you feel. Both the indecision, confusion even, over simple choices and the sense of sinking in quicksand - or better yet, as you say it, grasping for sand. I feel that often, both in terms of smaller moments and bigger-picture life direction stuff. And I also hate attention, so I hate birthdays.

    I wish I had good advice, or could tell you that it will get better, but at least know that I know how you feel. I know it’s not worth much, but you’re not alone.