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Joined 9 months ago
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Cake day: October 4th, 2023

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  • The word “extreme” colours your question a fair bit. I think equality of all genders is good, I don’t think anyone should be subject to unfair treatment based on gender. As a cis-het man I like to be in a relationship with a strong woman.

    However, I dated someone for a while that probably fit into the “extreme” category. It was exhausting. I sometimes felt like I couldn’t do anything without it being subjected to the question: “is this the patriarchy?” Like, she needed to hang some closet doors, had no tools, and I was like, “Oh, I can bring my drill over next week and do that!” That offer to help needed to be examined.

    It also got annoying that workplace frustrations we both faced were always primarily parsed as “men being sexist” when it happened to her.

    IMO often her “fierce conversations” were her being kind of dick about something.

    Her model for independence and autonomy strayed very close to a refusal to take anyone else’s needs into account. Her desire to treat everyone like they were equal ignored actual power differentials and the responsibility with which they come. For example, she argued she wouldn’t put the booze away if someone she knew was an alcoholic was coming over because that would be patriarchal and robbing the alcoholic of their agency.

    It got exhausting.