Hey, NYT Cooking is fantastic, as long as you cut the recipe in half but keep the original amount of garlic.

Can we parlay this into some school vouchers?

The only surprising part of any of this is that this asshole apologized to her neighbor.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m gonna keep repeating this.

There are no good guys in this fight.

There are only sides.

You can choose a side, but you have to realize that that side has done terrible things to innocent people for terrible reasons.

Yeah. ‘Suicide plug’ Is a misnomer. Should be ‘homicide plug.’

The danger isn’t plugging both ends into the same circuit. The danger is when there’s a downed power line, somebody plugs a generator into their outlet to power their own house. The genny backfills the line, so this line that everybody thinks is dead is suddenly live. All of a sudden the poor lineman who is trying to fix it a mile downline gets electrocuted while standing on top of a 30’ ladder.

What’s the point of taking a vacation if I don’t get to send my coworkers pictures of my airport mimosa as they’re clocking in at 8am?

I can sing the Blazing Saddles theme song pretty decent. Final offer.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No. But I want a regular banana later. So yes.’

Nope. 1.5 million dead Americans including my dad, shutdown economy and blatant racism making a comeback? No thanks. Don’t want.

“Hit it, quit it, then forgit it!”

-Bigfoot

Yup. He got mad and quit after they mocked scientology, so they poorly spliced together a bunch of his old lines to make an episode where he joins a pedo cult and dies a very undignified death.

Listen. It’s just a couple straight dudes havin sex. Nothin gay about it.

*Jance Dance Vance.

I’ve seen his long- form birth certificate.

Hillary Clinton had classified emails in a private, password-protected server. Conservatives have spent over a decade frothing at the mouth, calling for her head. The DOJ announced that they would investigate her two weeks before the 2016 election, possibly dooming her campaign.

Donald Trump had classified documents in a box in the shitter at his private residence while a Russian envoy was there, and conservatives think that’s all cool.

/ Walter White meme/

You Betcha.

My work magically got a supply of N95 masks early in Covid. It was unexpected, so we didn’t have a plan or a system for them. Didn’t think to have a limit or anything.

A crew from Albert Lee bought every single one, took them back to their store, and sold them at 100% markup.

He’s not saying “fixed” as in “repaired”…

Tangentially related. I watched a pretty interesting documentary many years ago about avant-garde art in Weimar Germany. Back in the days of the kaiser and before, if you painted a horse it damn well better look like a horse. During the third reich, if you painted a horse it damn well better have hitler on it. But during the interwar years there was quite an explosion of weird shit from the German art community.

Then, of course, the war happened and all that shit ended, just like it’s happening in Russia now. Not that America did much better back then. Frank Capra was directing WWII propaganda films and Bugs Bunny was flying a B-29.

She would be my choice as well, but she just announced she wouldn’t.

But this is the DNC…