🌌 we are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars

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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: August 9th, 2023

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  • stelelor@lemmy.catoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.worldWhat is your motto?
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    2 months ago

    “And there’s a funny thing about honesty; there’s no two ways about it.”

    This quote from Lassie Come-Home comes up whenever I’m not sure if I should be honest about something bad that I’ve done. It’s a pretty good motto.

    That, and “Smile, tomorrow will be worse.”



  • But back before medication, that frustration would just stick in my brain.

    Yes! Exactly that. What you call emotional stickiness I call spiralling. Before meds, once something upset me it was nearly impossible to stop. That minor annoyance made me feel anxious and upset, which in turn reminded me of other times I felt that way, and it all amplified.

    I’m glad you’re in a better place. Remember, if you can’t make your own neurotransmitters, store-bought are fine. 👍


  • I take fluoxetine. It doesn’t have an immediate physical effect like Tylenol, Gravol, and the like. The effect builds up with time. I would describe it as feeling like “quiet”. Fluoxetine gave me the ability to quiet bad thoughts. From there, I had more stability to climb out from the pit of despair and anxiety.

    The first few days (maybe two weeks or so) after starting, I slept a lot. Where I used to go to bed at 11:30pm and wake up at 5am, I was now out like a light at 8pm. My brain was finally quiet, so I could feel my body’s exhaustion.

    The next thing I noticed is that I was able to let small annoyances slide. I used to be triggered by stuff like someone playing music too loudly in the bus. Instead of hyperfixating on that sound and ruminating for the entire bus ride, I could now let it fade in the background and think of something else.

    After a few weeks, I noticed less crying, less blowing up at my partner, and less panic spirals. That time and energy I could now put into other stuff: chores, hobbies, socializing. I wanted to be happy and I felt empowered to make it happen, rather than at the whim of the exterior world.

    While fluoxetine greatly diminished my lows, it also muted my highs. In my manic-ish days I felt “happy” for hours, and often hypersexual. Now my happiness was different, like… instead of going on fun rollercoasters and having my heart race, I was now sitting in a cozy armchair with a cup of tea and a snack, and my heart was peaceful. I do have a lower libido, which is tough on my partner. (OTOH I now contribute a lot more to household tasks, so it events out lol.) I do miss the euphoria I used to be able to feel, but I don’t wish it back because I know the price I had to pay for it.


  • Flip a car while streetracing on a narrow three-lane highway in the middle of the city, in moderate traffic that was moving 70 km/h ish at most. Amazingly they didn’t take anyone else out.

    I called 911. They redirected the call to the police station. After I described the incident, I could feel the officer’s eyeroll through the phone. It was odd to realize that something so extreme for me was literally just another day for them.

    Edited to add:

    personal grooming was the fourth leading cause of accidents.

    An old co-worker liked telling the story of how he was rear-ended on a very busy city highway. The other driver was a young woman who stepped out the car all distraught and said “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you, I was putting on my makeup!” My coworker was ready to wave off the incident because there was basically no damage to any car but he changed his mind as soon as he heard that.