That ended with me finally explaining to him how the way he and my mother treated me as a child, with undiagnosed (and really not even conceptually understood at the time) ADHD caused me lasting trauma that persists to this day. I’m a 45 year old man, and I cried.
I’m 54. My upbringing was less than stellar; not actively harmful, but I was kind of “on my own” for most of it, even as a kid. Whether this was related to any neurodivergency, or contributed to it, I will never know.
My father passed a number of years ago. My mother moved across the country decades ago. A few years back, I decided that I didn’t need to talk to her anymore, so I stopped. I didn’t feel a need to explain this.
So after some of the regular intermittent weird secret squirrel passive aggressive voicemails that I didn’t answer, I hear from my wife that my mother is confused about why I am not responsive. “Okay.”
Then one day, a card shows up in the mail. Generic greeting card, inscribed with “Just because I love you” and a check for a thousand dollars. It took me days to figure out what the hell I was going to do with this situation, and my final decision was to do nothing. Not cashing the check, not sending it back, not acknowledging its receipt - just nothing. I don’t play.
I’m not saying that this decision is one everyone should make, but it’s certainly a decision that is available to anyone.