I’ll start: if they have hobbies it’s a green flag for sure, doubly so if their hobbies are outlets for creativity.
Having the same sence of humor proved crucial for me, next to loving pets. I dated someone once and when she asked why I asked her I told her I liked older women. She was 3 days older. (And not amused)
I felt totally comfortable with a girl I met at a forum meeting we started seeing each other more. She had pets and the same sence of humor. She’s my wife for 14y now, we have loads of pets. On my birthday I get gifted a younger wife, on her birthday she’s rescued from an old man. She’s 6 months younger.
There’s nothing worse than having somebody reply deadpan serious to something you thought was an obvious joke. Kills the mood for both parties.
I don’t know how to answer this properly, I’ve only had 3 serious/long term girlfriends and I married the 3rd nearly 20yrs ago.
I’d have to say being down to earth, farting on the 3rd date and just laughing about it.
She’s always been my best friend, one of my dickhead mates I can let my hair down around and we can both be ourselves, all day, every day.
She laughs whenever the dogs fart, which seems to happen a lot when I’m home.
I don’t get why is farting in front of others THE sign of a great relatioinship? I’ve been thogether with my SO for 4 years and we still don’t do that, out of respect, I suppose.
Because people need to fart. Being able to do it in front of your SO means you are comfortable with each other that much and personally it just means I can be me. There’s no barriers and both of us can just relax.
Normal bodily function.
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Being nice to waitstaff/receptionists/cashiers/etc, even if there’s an issue.
You can be annoyed at the situation, sure. But being nice to the employee shows you know that 99% of the time the problem is not their fault and 100% of the time yelling won’t solve anything.
I have some extended family who does this. They’re not good people.
They have emotional support. It can be friends, therapy, groups, or bare minimum some personal resources that they can access if things get rough. It’s impossible to be someone’s only support. They will drag you down with them.
To add to that- they have a positive and receptive view of therapy.
They have friends who are not the same gender/sexual orientation as they are. (good indicator they are accepting of people dissimilar to them)
The read for pleasure.
That comes to mind now:
- Tries not to argue and start fights but rather tries to understand and cooperate with constructive criticism
- Speaks up her mind if something is on the matter that has anything to do with me
- Loves cuddling and sex
- Enjoys at least some of the things I do and joins in
- Shares at least some of the things she does
- Offers support when wished for/needed
The same things I either do already or try to do.
This is a good list. And a lot more meaningful and effective than “likes the same things I like”
It is so close to accurate to say “they accept you at your worst,” but we all know the toxic “if you can’t accept me at my worst…” Kinda people.
Id say it’s more like
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History of self advocacy and/or intolerance for their own mistreatment
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They accept or at least make an effort to understand you when you’re at your low points.
These two together kind of ensure no issues fester or arise in a manner such that they’re not dealt with.
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I had two friends who used to frequent what was said to be the local debate club. It was the only thing they had in common when they first met, now they’re married. People often see what seems like a complete lack of consensus (for a lack of a better word) between them and they think “wow, are they really going to survive the New Year”. But they show a huge green flag isn’t how synchronized two people are but rather how accepting one is to a shortage of synchronization. There are people who don’t realize this and one issue ruins everything.
The biggest green flag is that you like being around them and you miss them when they’re not there. I know that seems kinda obvious and a weird thing to say, but hear me out. Sometimes people get invested into a relationship, and don’t even realize that they don’t like spending time with their partner. Wanting to be around them, like actually longing for their company, is a green flag.
For me: good critical thinking skills, empathy, in touch with their emotions and loves reading books.
Feminism. And general recognition of the struggles of minority people
I definitely agree with the hobby bit. I’ve talked to plenty of people that don’t have any hobbies or any passion for anything and they are just so soul draining to be around. I find with these folks you cannot have a good conversation with, either they don’t know about the topic, or any topic or they only answer in one or two word responses. They are just a black hole of any excitement or energy.
Ugh, this one hurts to read. I have plenty of hobbies and interests, but for whatever reason it feels so painful and awkward to discuss them with people i’m not already decently acquainted with, so it probably comes across as you describe to many folks.
Probably not, to be like the people I mentioned and met you almost have to try to be as disinterested as possible. If you say more than just 1 or 2 words when talking to somebody you’re already a lot better.
Leftist political ideals, people who like cats, having similar sense of humor to me
Liking cats can be a good indicator on how they understand and see consent. 👍
Interesting thought, but I wouldn’t say these are dependent on each other at all.
Well it’s obviously not an absolute truth, more of a good rule of thumb I think. It also depends on the reason they don’t like cats in the first place.
I don’t see the connection
Neither does the cat IMO 😹
Come on, I prefer cats but the reason people prefer dogs is because they do consent to the kinds of interaction dog-lovers want to have with their pets. If someone doesn’t like cats because cats often don’t want to be petted all the time it just means that person wants a pet who wants to be petted.
Also I do things to my cats without their consent all the time: I give them medicine they don’t want, I use a vacuum cleaner, and I move them from places I don’t want them to be. They are animals, not humans, and how I interact with them is not a model for how I interact with humans.
It’s a rule of thumb, not an absolute truth.
I’m not interpreting you as believing it’s an “absolute truth” I’m saying it doesn’t seem like it would bear any relationship whatsoever. You are still saying that as a rule of thumb dog-lovers are less likely to respect people’s (lack of) consent than cat-lovers. That’s insane.
Let’s be real about it: being a cat or dog person can tell you something about a person’s personality and hence give you a hint about whether you’ll get on with them. A green flag should first of all be universal, not dependent on the person considering it, and second it should actually be a reasonably accurate indicator.
actually they didn’t say anything about dog owners. You’re reaching for an argument where none exists.
hmph. must be a dog owner
Feel replace to replace “dog” with “non-cat” in my comment; it’s just as valid.
A dog will behave the same to interactions, that it doesn’t like, as cats: Leaving, telling (with their respective sounds), scratching, biting. Change cats in your sentence to any animal that is able to interact with humans (fish is difficult for example) and I would agree.
Yea also I like people who like cats because I like cats 👍
I don’t see the connection
Thank you. This is the positive mindset I needed.
Saudi Arabia flag holder?
Otherwise you feel comfortable to talk about anything that bothers you with them.
