I’m so tired of this guy

SourceTree by Atlassian is great, I’ve used it for years and love it. It’s also free. They kind of push you into signing up for a BitBucket account, but it’s skippable. I think it checks all the boxes for the requirements you listed.

Who is Jeeves and why would I ask him instead of my parents?

I agree, but to be fair to OP, 5 and 9 are also single digit numbers.

Spigot on your screen

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I feel like I only ever won this like 2 or 3 times total

Costumers?

Seems valid to show the age if you’re winning an award and the oldest person to ever do so

Better than Dogg Soup

This is a human rights violation

Not that there’s a good reason for ever doing this, but why did this person punch him at all?

The first country to do both should win something special

Where are all the cool puzzles for me to fit into?

In middle school I helped run the media stuff at my summer camp, audio and projector. We thought it would be really funny to show this one night after the talent show. We really cranked up the volume too.

I don’t think we officially got in trouble, but there were a lot of people that got pretty upset with us.

I mean add as in “do math” - if it ends in a 2 add one and it’s a 3

Angry Ellen Degeneres in that last one

I mean, it’s not like an SSN is secure at all. Add 1 to your SSN and that’s most likely a completely valid number for someone else

You have 7 days until that happens, chill out

There is a banana ban