• andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      Life doesn’t come with a manual, but it does come with an author for its manual.

      I like to keep a small size binder (I hate notebooks because I’m very fickle about organization). Like A5 size with some line ruled paper and some grid paper. I keep some in the back for random notes and extra fill. I use dividers, and the very front page I keep a to-do list of things that really need to happen now. The next page are to-dos that i don’t want to forget but aren’t really critical.

      Then I have a section where I keep one page for any major problem in my life. I’ll try to do a root cause analysis. “Just keep asking why”. Then I’ll sort of journal some observations over time until I solve my problem.

      These can be as simple as being flustered in the grocery store or as serious as co-parenting problems. You need to know what parts of your life you can control, and harmonize with the parts you cannot.

      Then, I have a section of sort of “how-to’s”. Simple things can make a big difference, like what order works best for me to get myself ready in the morning… Like start the water kettle before I wash up and get dressed so I can have my coffee while I make breakfast. A lot of these pages will be written (or rewritten!) after I’m ready to throw away my problem solving pages from the other section.

      But on a day by day and hour by hour basis, focus on triage. What can you do for yourself and your people that will have the most impact in the shortest amount of time? What can you do that will bring you a little joy, what can you do that will reduce a little irritation? Then do that.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      Under appreciate them right back. Try to keep work about funding your lifestyle.

      I don’t know how intense or emotional your job is, so that advice might not be practical. But I do think everyone needs to set boundaries, but also emotional boundaries. Please make sure work isn’t wearing you down when you aren’t there. Try taking a few minutes to reset after clocking out, and close the door on your work day.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      I am not hopeful about our future. But something I came to terms with is that I am going to die. It might be in 40 years or it might be sooner, it could be next year. But it will happen. Also, it’s possible that I don’t just die but life becomes incredibly unpleasant. All the same to me in this current point in time, where I am able and I have means to do interesting things.

      I know this is hand-wavy but I heard someone say something along the lines “we need to stop worrying about putting more years in our life, but work on putting more life in our years.”

      This sort of mantra helps keep me grounded when I’m deciding what to do with myself and my family on a day to day basis.

    • stoy@lemmy.zip
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      19 days ago

      I mostly use distractions as a way clearing my head.

      The best thing to distract myself when I was really depressed was Geoguessr, it takes focus and is fun.

      If you need a free alternative, look at Geotastic.

  • Monster@lemmy.world
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    19 days ago

    My anxiety is particularly bad today. I woke up with my hands shaking and I got so nervous I started to dry heave.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      Would you consider trying a meditation app? A medical professional recently recommended “insight timer”, which has guided meditations and somatic tracking programs and things.

      Just a caution, if you do check it out, it will ask you to start a free 7-day trial for their “plus” version, you have to find the “skip” button, and avoid starting the trial so you don’t get charged. I can see how that bit might not be anxiety relieving! But otherwise she had a lot of praise for it. I haven’t tried it myself, but I have it ready to go. I’m in a pretty good place at the moment… I hope I remember it’s there when I need it.

      • Monster@lemmy.world
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        19 days ago

        I usually distract myself with a YouTube video or a movie. But it’d be nice to have some help with it

        • stoy@lemmy.zip
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          19 days ago

          I posted about distractions earlier in the thread, the most effective distractions for me has been Geoguessr.

          I also learned a lot about how the Swedish road network is numbered as I live in Sweden and mostly played the Swedish map.

          If you need a free alternative, you can try Geotastic

  • lohky@lemmy.world
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    19 days ago

    Psoriatic arthritis flared up in my entire body that has made it impossible to sleep or even really exist for the last week and a half.

    It would be awesome to just not hurt for a few hours.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      I hope it calms down, I cannot even imagine what that must be like. Do you have access to people with experience with this? Support groups, or even one mentor?

  • Pronell@lemmy.world
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    19 days ago

    Yup, like the others, I’m broke. Month to month barely getting by. Gotta trim back where I can.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      It’s hard but you are doing it. Don’t forget to find away to enjoy yourself, is there a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time?

  • undefined@links.hackliberty.org
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    19 days ago

    Maybe a checking account with more than a $2,000 daily debit limit so I can pay a fortune to live in a 60’s-era shithole (but it’s “aesthetic”). Or a landlord that accepts modern payment methods.

    Gonna have to buy a checkbook probably. What century is this?

    • burrito@sh.itjust.works
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      19 days ago

      Most banks allow you to pay bills online and they’ll send a check on your behalf to your landlord. You can set it up to go automatically every month too.

      • undefined@links.hackliberty.org
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        18 days ago

        I bank mainly online but I did have a shared account with my wife at a traditional bank with that service. Unfortunately they started taking 2-3 weeks to mail it to my landlord two miles away, so I gave up on that.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      If you’re in a hurry and can’t wait for a checkbook you might be able to get a money order. Banks and even some grocery stores will do this for a fee (it was like 0.50 last time I did this… Like 16 years ago omg what happened)

          • sntx@lemm.ee
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            18 days ago

            Good morning ELIZA, it has to be very hard empathizing and communicating with everyone if all they don’t keep the conversation going.

            Sorry

            In all seriousness though, I’d like to hear as well.

            • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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              18 days ago

              I think I’m missing a puzzle piece on that one 🫠.

              I guess I was more wondering what you like about the characters, and what makes you want to be around them. Can you learn things from them and apply them to your life? If you do, then you will be around them when you’re around yourself!

              • sntx@lemm.ee
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                16 days ago

                ELIZA is an early natural language processing computer program developed from 1964 to 1967 at MIT by Joseph Weizenbaum. Created to explore communication between humans and machines, ELIZA simulated conversation by using a pattern matching and substitution methodology that gave users an illusion of understanding on the part of the program, but had no representation that could be considered really understanding what was being said by either party.

                ELIZA - Wikipedia (modified)

                • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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                  14 days ago

                  Oh…

                  I answered you from my inbox rather than the thread, so I didn’t notice you weren’t the same person I was responding to. I figured Eliza was a character in their novel 🤦.

                  I guess now I wish I didn’t sound like a chat bot.

  • hissing meerkat@sh.itjust.works
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    19 days ago

    Everything. Or just this.

    I need to get my car fixed so I can leave.
    I need to empty out my car so I can get it fixed.
    I need my car fixed so I can empty it out.
    I need to go shopping so I have food.
    I need to bike to go shopping.
    I need to eat to bike.
    I need food to eat.
    I need to get paniers and a rack for a bike so I’m not so reliant on my car.
    I need to get my car fixed so I’m not so reliant on a bike.
    I need to find a therapist to feel safe.
    I need to set up a computer to email every provider in a whole state to try to find one.
    I need to set up a computer so I can work.
    I need to feel safe to set up a computer.

    Everything seems like the most important thing to do right now. I know the actual only important thing to do today is get food for at least 3 days so I can have at least 1 day when that’s not a problem. I need someone to tell that to even though I’d already thought of that and thought that I have nobody to tell it to, so thank you for asking.

    • andyortlieb@lemmy.sdf.orgOP
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      19 days ago

      When everything is precious nothing is precious, and that intermingled list of demands is pretty cluttery. No offense!

      “Reliance” is a risk to mitigate, but mitigating risks shouldn’t come at the expense of taking on more risk.

      All the things you want to do are worthy and valuable but like you said, you just cannot do them at the same time, and I doubt they are quite as cyclically dependant as you think they are.

      (For example, if you’re in a pinch for transportation and you’re willing to bike but cannot get one yet, you could try a bike share or scooter for a few dollars for a few hours… I have done this to get me home from dropping the car at the mechanic).

      Try to organize those things into a clear roadmap, where things that cause more things to become easier are done first. Where you have cyclical dependencies, think outside the list to solve that problem.

  • Spaceballstheusername@lemmy.world
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    18 days ago

    My life is pretty good but one of my good friends is currently going through post partum and it’s causing manic mania. It’s hard to see someone so happy but so unstable.

  • MIDItheKID@lemmy.world
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    17 days ago

    My daughter is taking a nap, and my wife is out for most of the day coaching soccer. Things are peaceful now, but when my daughter wakes up, I have to do the grocery shopping for the week and start meal prepping. Not sure if you guys have dealt with a toddler in a super market, but it’s a nightmare. Then I have to figure out how I am going to get the groceries up to my 3rd floor walk up apartment while wrangling my daughter. I can’t just leave her in my apartment while I make trips because toddlers are basically constantly trying to kill themselves, and it’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen. Then I have to start meal prepping with a toddler in my care. This is another set of challenges. I could wait until my wife gets home, but then I’m shopping late and won’t be able to cook until tomorrow. And if I have to cook all day tomorrow, then we don’t get to go on a family bike ride, and this time of year is so perfect for bike riding. I could order the groceries online, but they always fuck it up and then I end up having to go to the store anyway.

    This might not be as big as some of the other problems people are having today, but man, I could really just use another set of hands to help me through today’s responsibilities.

    • intensely_human@lemm.ee
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      17 days ago

      How about getting the groceries delivered? Lots of stores have delivery service.

      You can give a good tip for them running the groceries up the stairs for you. If there’s a special instruction field you can say something like:

      Sorry for the stairs. I have a toddler up here I can’t leave. I’ll tip you $20 for the hassle of bringing the bags upstairs.